Paid By the Hour

I have heard that in radio journalism, students are often taught that a good opening question to pose to an interviewee is "What did you have for breakfast?" It is an easy way to get an answer to test your sound levels. If I was being interviewed today my answer would be: hashish brownies. It is not getting any easier to get out of bed and report here for hallway duty. I believe I need money though. Or is it that "All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."? Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah. Can you hear that? THAT'S MY SKULL! I'm pretty busy again today. I had to cull together images of Jeff Spicoli from the internet and make this. See man? Seeeee. I'm working at a grueling pace like moving along the Oregon Trail. Dark Side of the Moon is such a sick album. Wait. What was that!? Shit! I think they know.........

A Pace for Everything and Everything in its Pace

I'm actually busy today. In the way that people are asking me to work on projects that have deadlines and I have to move my mouse around and punch the keypad on my keyboard to get these "priorities" accomplished. I could not resist putting it all off for another half hour to learn how to Paint, Exercise and Make a Sushi Gingerbread House.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qup74Dv8Wds
That's sardine sushi. I enjoyed the trippy trails on the hop-a-long "Treadmill of Life." I can not wait for my own treadmill to arrive here in the hallway. I'm going to expense it under the premise that i will save the company money on my health insurance subsidies.
In the HouUUUUUUSE!

Fuck Meow Mix!

Unlike Mephistopeles, this feline has quite a distinguished palette. More fuel for the fire of Donald Rumsfeld's belief that Calico cats work the Devil's business. You can hear this little lady meowing "your mother sucks cocks in Hell." Spooky.

Did Some More Decorating

Wish I still had that black and white printer. Had to waste some of the color toner to print this out for my cubicle. How about this hail and sleet? What a day!

AhFONGOOL BITCHES! (Best Wrong Number Ever)

I do not like Andrew Dice Clay. Neither does someone who's phone number is 814-414-5619. I am not so sure what area code that is in but a quick gooooogling should put me in the know. Most likely it's in one of those God-y states. What up Jesus? I'm fine, thank you for asking. How is the tooth fairy? I always imagined, sexy. That's probably because I still had some baby teeth through the early years of high school. I don't get many right numbers here in the hallway. Not too many people need to call me here in regards to my busy business and their goings on. Most of the wrong numbers that i get are able to decifer that they have not reached he with whom they had intended to speak and politely hang up if I am not here to inform them of there simple innacuracy of their button pushing ways. Not last night. I typed in my mailbox and my mailbox code and was informed that old area code 814 was "fucking irate". I had "put a has-been fucking drug addict loser on television." Said loser being Andrew "the Diceman" Clay. In case you missed "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane" you can reference the stylish photo above. Having put this junkie onto the telvision program that i apparently own and run, i have "offended the lord, and the fucking religious beliefs" of 814. Well I don't know what religion they practice out there but I hope it is not as misogynistic as this "fucking guy who's been out since 1992". I hope it is not as homophobic either. Allah and JC sure are still IN in the 07. Just look at any newspaper. Fucking IN. I'm sure my caller would be able to explain his "fucking religious beliefs" better if he had called back. So, I paid "this fucking faggot so he could get some more coke and be funny for another hour." Well he's giving Andrew more credit than I can! I have never heard him be funny. That coke-fueled God insulting hour must have been pretty good. God bless Danny. He ended it with a pretty sweet "call me back if you like. i don't care. great." It sounded like he was going to go and kill himself but that's for sinners and let he who cast the first stone......wait, I guess that would be me.
Why don't you call him? I may when I get home. Maybe from a pay phone. The only thing stopping me is that I agree that Andrew Dice Clay is indeed a fucking douchebag. Just not as much of a douchebag as someone telling me to die first thing in the morning. If any of you out there enjoy Andy Clay or Howard or Jackie the Joke man or whomever.....814-414-5619 is dying to share. Not to be confused with 857-5309. That one is for a good time.

Life in the Slow Lane/ "Hey, Yo, Fuck Santa Monica"

So, things have been a little slow here in the hallway. Well, i dropped my eggs and hashbrowns all over the place a moment ago. That happened quickly. I did not have my camera to show you how well I rubbed it in to the carpet here in the hallway. Other than that. Not a much. Zilch. Zip. That being the case here in my well travelled work-home I have been spending a lot of time on the internet, the informational super-highway, the web and the net. This bald man has taught me how to paint, exercise and make blended drinks. Put this in your browser and smoke it....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvbL_5rH1QQ
Yeah, All of them all at once. No big whoop. Multi-tasking is the way to go in the 0oooo-Ah-Seven.
His callers have taught me how to "Fuck" "MS Gang", "Santa Monica" and even "White People". As a whole I guess.
Pretty motivational. Inspiring. "More blended drinks" has found its way into the suggestion box on a yellow post-it. "More treadmills" will be tomorrow's entry but I won't expect much to come of that seeing as they are quite expensive even on the e-bay.