Suggestion Noted

I wrote this on my left forearm with a sharpie. I did not feel like taking a picture of it. I put on a tie and a long sleeve sweater. Happy New Year.

Passing It Over

This has been in the office for far more days than eight. The sign behind it reads "Free Giveaway." Whoever designed this piece is an obvious anti-semite. This thing's existence is bordering on a hate crime. Look at that holy plastic glow. Since no one had taken advantage of this generous giveaway over the course of the three weeks it has dominated the lighting of the kitchen, I escorted it to the adjacent elevator lobby. I put it in an elevator and then pushed all of the buttons. Well I didn't push "stop" or "emergency." I wonder if anybody will throw it out. I hope it makes it to the lobby. "Good day sir, getting on here?" What a beautiful orange. Speaking of orange and prejudices.... It is a similair tone of orange to that of the outer epidermal layer on all the women who work in ad-sales. They all seem to be the proud owners of blue-blazered husbands, some form of lab or retriever, white turtleneck sweaters, houses in Jersey, Westchester or Connecticut. So paints the picture of the photographs adorning their offices and cubicles. They don't say hello in the hallway. They seem to have most everything figured out. Except for how to not look like you developed jaundice at the tanning salon. To each her own.

Novel Ideas and Novelty Mugs

Goethe did know how to speak to sitting in the hallway laying out pages in quark Xpress on a G4 tower during the holiday season of 2006.

Epatez la bourgeoisie!

Pretty strange scene in the restroom today. Firstly, my condolences go out to the artist. Mine, thankfully does not. I took this drawing as it made me smile. It made me happy because it made me think. It made me think about my own bowels and comfortable ease of defecation. It made me wonder what that slam dunking, floating apendage had to do with the content of the pained statement. Which in turn,made me think, briefly, that this may be a child's drawing, brought in to hang up in someone's office as you would hang on your refrigerator at home. Mostly this made me happy because it made me think of the old office. At the old office I never found works of draftsmanship in the communal restroom. I did find someone who enjoyed using his portable gaming system in the stall. I found him on several different occassions. I don't know if they make it in today's gaming world but I swore i could place the music from "Castlevania". I also swore that I would expose his identity through shoe check. I never found those shoes in the halls of the old office. The one time that i vowed to just wait it out. I gave up after fifteen minutes. there were some subscription cards that needed attention. It also brought back memories of the head of ad sales who would go into the bathroom in a suit, with only his socks on, floss, brush his teeth and then gargle while urinating. He would then greet you with a "Hey!" after he spit out his scope. He didn't hide his identity at all. It was like it was his own personal bathroom. I think this drawing may have influenced today's suggestion box entry. "Want" in one hand. "Shit in the other." I think that it works this time of year with the holidays and all, you may actually get the "want".

55378008 in this 37047734

This is my new calculator. I had no idea it was coming. Look where it is. You have guessed it. The divorce went through and the old black and white printer is no longer taking up the entire surface of my desk. Not everyone is as pleased that I now have space to write or eat or store a telephone here in my work-home in the hallway. A co-worker came stamping over to me this afternoon demanding to know where the old black and white missus had run off to. I informed her that both I, and the head of the office had requested its removal. "Well that's our printer" she said. Indeed. That's why I thought it so peculiar that it lived with me. I informed her that I would be happy to put her in touch with Chet in IT who I assured her would spend a few days remembering where he put it and could then relocate it to her desk, which is not in the hallway. Then she handed me this calculator and told me that she had ordered for me. This way we don't have to share the one that I used the four years prior to our office's move. It seems to be enjoying it's new home. She's great at ordering things for the office. She has taken on her new role filling in for the head of office until after the new year. She has assumed these responsibilities with a ferretts lightning speed and dexterity. Maybe tomorrow I'll get some new pens or the return of a black and white printer. She's pretty knowlegable about other things as well. Like world travel and culture. Another woman who I work with told us that she's was going to india. "Why would you do that?" the calculator orderess inquired? Then she explained that she just goes to Disney and Epcot center once a year. She's got a point.

Merry Mirandizing

This is the postcard the company is sending out to the various other companies that we work with. When I got into work there were three hundred of them on my desk. I work with about six of the people that these are going out to but, I love giving my autograph and have been into the holiday spirit ever since the card that I received from an unknown group of people in Communications Data Services, Incorporated. It says "You have the right to remain jolly." I have a friend who woke up on christmas morning only to find a policeman knocking on the door of his car which he had sunken into the ground of an unknown neighbor's house with urine and vomit all over himself. I wonder if this Kris Kringle's mother was as displeased as my classmates when she picked him up at the police station on Christmas morning. I wonder if he got all of the presents delivered before drinking all that eggnog. I hope so. I think I know who's wits picked the card out. It's a good thing that they have the North Pole at Epcot center. I am reserving my right to jollyness to its fullest.

Modern Postcard Setting

Pretty nice sunset in the empty office today. The cardboard boxes really took it all in.

Looking Good In White

This past weekend was a good one. I spent some time with my girlfriend. I picked her up at work and we hung out. Before that I was in the apartment cleaning up. I did not have my shirt on. I was taking out the garbage and got locked out. I did not have my phone or my wallet or my shirt or my keys. It was a lot colder outside than it was inside my apartment. The guys at the bodega gave me a deli shirt so i did not have to be topless when I met her co-workers for the first time but I couldn't pay for dinner. It was fun.

Cultural Differences

A new employee showed up today. His name is Troy. He works in the advertising department. Today we had a staff meeting. When the main editor finished speaking he introduced Troy to everyone. Mitch in marketing blurted out "I don't know what you used to do over there at Time Inc., but here, we don't shit in the urinals." Most of the staff found this amusing. I think he and Mitch had met previously in the restroom. Welcome to the company Troy.

The Possibility of Proactivism Laying Futile in The Hallway

Well, just gathering my things and getting my napsack here together and wondering why I still have a black and white printer on my desk and I am yet to receive a response email from Chet in IT.

Proactive Measures

There's hope yet. I was able find out Chet's last name (we'd previously been on a first name only basis except that he still does not know my name). With this information I was able to find his email in the Microsoft Outlook company directory. My fingers are crossed and my heart is hopeful.

Future Plans and Space for Somebody Else

This is an open office. It's about 9 feet from my work-home here in the hallway. Right now it's being used to store cardboard boxes. Here's a close up. Not bad! What a view,eh? You should see it at night. Mmmm MMM! I'll try and get one tomorrow.
It probably gets tiresome looking at a river all day. I prefer Google Earth. Things are cool here in the hallway too though. I have only worked here for 8 years and that's a lot of cardboard boxes.

There's No Place Like Work-Home

Heeeeeeere I am. See that black thing in the front? That's where I sit and do my work. In front of it is my computer. To the left of that is well, you know. No, those are not my print outs. See the card from the good people at communications data resources, incorporated? I think it really brings the seasons spirit into the recession in the wall. "A rumpa pum pum, rumpa pum pum." See that green thing in the background. That's a bouncy ball. We can cut a little loose sometimes. Look at it bounce. Up and then down and then up and then down again! It's good to have hobbies. We had a welcome to the office breakfast this morning. There was coffee and orange juice and cheese. I am starting to feel welcome. I had never had coffee and cheese for breakfast before. Better get back to changing the copyright dates on these subscription cards.

Apology to the Good People Attending the Suggestion Box

Yup. Had to clock out on the early side. I did not make it down to the cafeteria so the suggestion box was left alone today. "They won't get rid of me this easily and how about some falafel" will be dropped in there soon enough.

Knock Knock Who's There?

Who?
You Guessed it!
There she is. That is the black and white printer that I can't use here on my desk in my space in the hallway. She's still here keeping me company and denying me the fruits of her labors. Look at her basking in the warmth of the fluorescent track lighting stationed just overhead. Despite Chet's promises and assurances, we are still joined in our hearth and home here in the hallway. I'm dissapointed in you Chet from IT but I'm sure that you were very busy today keeping up with all of the information that comes along with both mine, your and us collectively as whole's expeditiously developing technologies. Besides these belts don't buckle themselves just like these shoes don't tie themselves up. I know it. I'm wearing slip ons so my day may have been more of a breeze. I know that you will keep your word and as the dawn fades, tomorrow may bring us a new, printerless day. I can't wait to eat a sandwhich there! Maybe half sanwhich and a small soup? A soup and salad. I don't know maybe we'll split them when you come here to move the printer.
What's that? Oh, sure. No, Excuse me. Here you go. Enjoy your print outs. You're kids are just adorable. You may want to print those out in color.

Deck the Hallway

"Seasons Greetings. Warmest thoughts and Best Wishes for a wonderful Holiday season and A very happy new year." or so reads the card from Eileen White, Chris oock, Beth Roy, Theresa Maklfj? and two others who's hastily thrown down signatures i could not make out that I found on my chair today. It was on my chair because there is no room on my desk to put Holiday cards thanks to the ol' black and white missus who I share my space in the hallway with. It's results were mixed as I had never heard any mention of these people before. I do know that they wish me well and they appear to be from Communications Data Services, Incorporated. They had that printed on the inside of the card in gold leaf. Regardless, Thanks go out to the whole group as my thoughts are, indeed, the warmest.

New Developments in Printing Technologies

Chet from IT just paid me a visit. He's an information technology mastermind. Within moments we were force qutting, restarting and not saving any of the the work that I had been pretending to do all over the place. Then he got the internet to stop working. I had to put it back to where it worked again though after he left. Finally I just had to promise that I would never print out any emails to the color printer. He didn't want me wasting any of her toner with things like what I have to work on today or future projects. There is a black and white printer on my desk. It takes up all of the surface area at my cube here in the hallway. While Chet was unable to get me set up on the printer that sits next to me on my desk, everyone else in the office is. So if you need some black and white prints come on by and say hello. I'm your man. Just reach right on over my shoulder and grab that email that you just sent to the printer about the house in Westchester that you're thinking about buying. Think I'd mind? Heck no! Me? Oh, I'm renting not owning. It's not bad. We're adjacent to Newton creek and a couple of Superfunds. Maybe you can do some reading over my shoulder while you're here or we can watch some skateboard videos on youtube.com together. Keep that last bit between us though as I'd imagine it is not viewed in a favorable light by some of the higher-ups.

Touche! En Guard!

Guess what. I'm at work. We have a new office. I've been stuck in the hallway. We have a cafeteria. It has a suggestion box. Today i put "everybody is treating everyone like crap" in it. Then i realized that was more of an observation than a suggestion proper. So it probably won't be of any real help.